Arsenal Jokes
Funniest jokes about Arsenal

Arsenal Jokes - Introduction

Hello and welcome to the funniest jokes about Arsenal that I could find.

Without any further introduction, here are some of the best jokes for FC Arsenal.

Dislike Joke About Arsenal

Why do people take an instant dislike to Arsenal?
It saves time.

Jokes About FC Arsenal

Why do Arsenal fans whistle on the toilet?
So they know which end to wipe.

Jokes About Arsenal

What do you call an Arsenal fan in a 3 bedroom semi?
A burglar.

Hate Jokes Arsenal

You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and an Arsenal Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

Shoot the Arsenal Fan. Twice...

FC Arsenal Funny Jokes

Fire brigade phones Arsene Wenger in the early hours of Sunday morning...

"Mr Wenger sir, Highbury is on fire!"
"The cups man! Save the cups!" replies Arsene.
"Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."

Funniest Arsenal Jokes

Why do Arsenal men like smart women?
Opposites attract.

Jokes About Arsenal FC

What do you say to an Arsenal fan with a job?
"can I have a Big Mac!"

Hate Jokes Arsenal

What do you call an Arsenal fan in a suit ??
The accused.

Best Jokes About Arsenal

What do you call an Arsenal fan with half a brain?
Gifted.

Jokes Arsenal Football Club

How do the braincells of an Arsenal fan die?
Alone.

Jokes Arsenal

How do you make an Arsenal fan's eyes light up?
Shine a torch in his ears.

Funniest Arsenal Jokes

Why should you not allow Arsenal fans a coffee break at work?
Because it takes too long to retrain them.

Jokes About Arsenal

What do you call the Arsenal team standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.

Funny Arsenal jokes

Why did the Arsenal fan get sacked from the M & M factory ??
He kept throwing out the W's.

Best Arsenal Jokes

What do you call a fly inside an Arsenal fans head ??
A Space Invader.

Jokes About Arsenal

How long has Tony Adams played for Arsenal?
Donkeys years.

Arsenal Football Club Jokes

How many Arsenal players does it take to change a light bulb?
Eleven - one to change it and ten to play the offside trap.

Jokes About Arsenal

Heard the one about David Seaman?
He never keeps a clean sheet.

Arsenal FC Jokes

When Gazza scored at Wembley, Seaman was all over the place.

Arsenal FC Jokes

What's the difference between Paul Merson and the rest of the Arsenal team?
One takes dope and the rest are dopes.

Jokes About Arsenal

What have Paul Merson and a can of Coca Cola got in common?
Their both red and white and full of coke.

Jokes Arsenal

Why is the pitch at Highbury so green?
Because they keep putting lots of shit on it.

Arsenal jokes

How come Arsenal fans don't fall asleep during a match?
The smell of their ground keeps them awake.

Arsenal Jokes

What's the highest selling item in the Arsenal souvenir shop?
Pro-plus (sleep repellant).

Best Arsenal Jokes

What's the second highest selling item in the Arsenal souvenir shop?
Horlicks.

Best Jokes About Arsenal

What is the difference between Paul Merson and a former Arsenal player, surname George?
One Charlie shoots, the other shoots Charlie.

Arsenal Jokes

What is the difference between Jon Pertwee and Ray Parlour?
Ray Parlour still looks like Worzel Gummidge.

Arsenal FC Jokes

At Highbury, what is the difference between the words 'disciplinary' and 'football'?
'Disciplinary' is the only one associated with the word 'action'.

FC Arsenal Jokes

Whats the difference between an Arsenal fan and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on the trampoline.

Arsenal Funny Jokes

What is the difference between Arsenal and a cup of tea?
The tea stays in the cup longer!

Arsenal Funny Jokes

How did you enjoy your holiday in Israel?'
'Smashing!'
'Did you visit the Wailing Wall?'
'Yes - but I couldn't get anyway near it for the Arsenal supporters!'

Jokes About Arsenal

Why did God make Arsenal supporters smelly?
So blind people could laugh at them too!

FC Arsenal Jokes

What do you call 100 Arsenal supporters at the bottom of a cliff?
A good start!

Arsenal FC Jokes

What do you call a dead Gunner Fan in a closet?
Last years winner of the hide and seek contest.

Funny Arsenal Jokes

What do you say to a Gunners supporter with a good looking bird on his arm?
Nice tattoo.

Jokes Arsenal

What do you call an Arsenal fan that does well on an IQ test?
A cheat.

Arsenal Funny Jokes

Why do housewives love Arsenal?
Because they stay on top for ages and come second!

Arsenal Funny Jokes

At Highbury, what is the difference between the words “disciplinary” and “football”?
“Disciplinary” is the only one associated with the word “action”.

Arsenal Jokes

How come Arsenal fans don’t fall asleep during a match?
The smell of their ground keeps them awake.

Jokes About Arsenal

What do Arsenal fans do after Arsenal wins the Champions League?
They put away their Play Stations.

Jokes About Arsenal

What do you call an Arsenal fan with half a brain?
Gifted.

Arsenal Super Jokes

What does a 3 pin plug and Arsenal Football Club have in common?
They’re both useless in Europe.

Joking About Arsenal

What is the second highest selling item in the Arsenal souvenir shop?
Horlicks.

Arsenal Hate Jokes

The seven dwarfs are down in the mines when there is a cave-in.
Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them.
In the distance a voice shouts out "Arsenal" are good enough to win the European Cup."
Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

Arsenal Story Jokes

Two men are fishing on a river bank in a remote area of the River Thames on a Saturday afternoon miles away from any radio or tv.
Suddenly one man turns to the other and says "The Gunners have lost again."
The other man was flabbergasted and said "how in the name of god do you know that?"
The other man replied "It's quarter to five."

Arsenal Story Jokes

A woman buys a car in London. On her way home she notices that only one radio station works. She immediately turns the car around and heads back to the dealer.

"Oi," she says, "the bleedin' radio in this motor doesn't work! It only receives one station!"

The dealer replies, "It's voice activated. You tell it want kind of music you want to listen to, and it automatically changes."

This satisfies the woman, who immediately gets back into the car and drives for home. On the way, she says, "Classical..."

The car radio automatically switches to classical music.

She then says, "rock and roll..."

The car radio automatically switches to a Rolling Stones tune.

Again she speaks to the car radio..."Country Music..."

The car radio automatically switches to a Garth Brooks song.
Right then, a guy in a Jag pulls in front of her and cuts her off...

"Wanker!!!!" she screams.

The car radio automatically switches to an Arse match on Capital "Gooner" Gold.

Arsenal Story Jokes

Arsene Wenger was to meet his new girlfriend outside the Cinema at 7pm, at 9pm she had still not arrived, so he went home furious.

He phoned her up and said "what the fuck's going on? I waited for Two hours in the cold."

She said, "I am not going out with you now, we are finished".

"Why?" He asked.

She replied "One of my friends said you are a Pedophile."

"A Pedophile?" cried Wenger, "that's a big word for a Seven year old!!"

Arsenal Story Jokes

Two Gunners fans are on the plane on the way to Holland.

One turns to the other and says "Hey Arthur! See if this plane turns upside-down will we fall out?"

"No way Richard," says his mate "of course we'll still be pals!!"

Funniest Arsenal FC Jokes

One day Tom Thumb, Snow White, and Quasimodo are sitting around talking.

All of the sudden Tom Thumb says, "You know, how do I know I'm the world's smallest man? Maybe I'm NOT the world's smallest man". And he got very depressed.

Then Snow White says, "How do I know I'm the most beautiful woman in the world? Perhaps there is someone more beautiful than me!" And she got very depressed.

Quasimodo then said, 'How do I know I'm the world's ugliest person?

Maybe there is someone uglier than me!" And he, too, sank into depression.

One week later the three were all killed in a car crash. While in Heaven's waiting room, they were all entitled to a private conference with God, who would answer for them one question.

After Tom Thumb's conference, he came out smiling and said, "It's all right, I am the world's smallest man".

Snow White left God's chamber smiling also, "It's ok," she said, "I am the fairest of them all".

Quasimodo came out of his conference scratching his head. He looked at the others and asked, "Who the hell is Martin Keown?"

Story Arsenal Jokes

Two boys are playing football in a park in London when one of them is attacked by a rottweiler.

Thinking quickly, his friend rips a plank of wood from a fence, forces it into the dog's collar and twists it, breaking the dog's neck.

All the while, a newspaper reporter who was taking a stroll through the park is watching.

He rushes over, introduces himself and takes out his pad and pencil to start his story for the next edition. He writes, "Spurs fan saves friend from vicious animal."

The boy interrupts: "But I'm not a Spurs fan."

The reporter starts again: "QPR fan saves friend from horrific attack."

The boy interrupts again: "I'm not a Rangers fan either."

The reporter asks: "Who do you support, then?"

"Arsenal," replies the boy.

So the reporter starts again: "Gooner git kills family pet"

Arsenal Jokes

A Spurs fan and an Arsenal fan get into a car accident, and it's a bad one.

Both cars (with football stickers on windows) are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the Spurs fan says,

"So you're an Arsenal fan, that's interesting. I'm a Spurs fan... Wow!

Just look at our cars, there's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The Arsenal fan replied," I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!

The Spurs fan continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whiskey didn't break.

Surely God wants us to drink this and celebrate our good fortune."

Then he hands the bottle to the Arsenal fan.

The Arsenal fan nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then handing it back to the Spurs fan.

The Spurs fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Arsenal fan.

The Arsenal fan asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The Spurs fan replies, "No. I think I will just wait for the police..."

Jokes About Arsenal

There was a Spurs fan, a Gunner fan and Megan Fox sitting together in a carriage on a train.

Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and, as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark.

Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap.

When the train came out of the tunnel, Megan Fox and the Spurs fan were sitting as if nothing had happened while the Gunners fan had his hand against his face as if he had been hit hard.

The Gunners fan was thinking: 'That Spurs fan must have kissed Megan Fox who went to slap him, missed him and slapped me instead.'

Megan Fox was thinking: 'That Arsenal fan must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Spurs fan and got slapped for it.'

And the Spurs fan was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and hit that Arsenal bastard again, harder.'

Story Jokes About Arsenal

A Spurs fan, a Watford fan and a Gunners fan came across a nude, dead woman in the street.

They called the police and then, for decency, decided to cover her up.

The Spurs fan put his cap over one breast, the Watford fan put his cap over the other, and the Gooner put his cap "down below".

When the police arrived they needed to examine the body so the policeman lifted the Spurs cap and looked at one breast, then he lifted the Watford cap and examined the other. He then walked away from the body.

The Spurs fan said: "Aren't you going to examine "down below?"

"Nope", The copper replied, "I already know that under every Arsenal cap is a cunt!"

I hope you have enjoyed reading all of these Arsenal jokes as much as I have :D

Please feel free to read more about Arsenal FC from the links below...

Return from Arsenal Jokes to World Soccer Teams
Return from Arsenal FC Jokes to SoccerManiak Home Page

All About ARSENAL FOOTBALL CLUB
Arsenal FC - Crest History
Click here to read about the history of Arsenal FC badge or logo.
Arsenal History
Click here to read about the history of Arsenal FC in more detail.
Arsenal Jokes
Click here to read some jokes about Arsenal FC.
Arsenal Legends
Click here to read about the greatest players that played for Arsenal FC.
Arsenal Wallpaper
Click here to find some great Arsenal FC wallpapers.

All About CHELSEA FOOTBALL CLUB
Chelsea FC - Crest History
Click here to read about the history of Chelsea FC badge or logo.
Chelsea History
Click here to read about the history of Chelsea Football Club in more detail.
Chelsea Legends
Click here to read about the greatest players that played for Arsenal Football Club.
Chelsea Jokes
Click here to read some funny Chelsea FC jokes.
Chelsea FC Wallpapers
Click here to find some great Chelsea FC wallpapers.

All About MANCHESTER UNITED FOOTBALL CLUB
Manchester United FC - Crest History
Click here to read about the history of Manchester United FC badge or logo.
Manchester United History
Manchester United had not always been known as Manchester United football club... Click on the link to read more.
Manchester United Legends
Click here to check out the greatest players of Manchester United Football Club from the past and present.
Manchester United Jokes
Click here to read some funny jokes about Manchester United.
Manchester United Wallpaper
Click here to find some great wallpapers for Man United FC.

All About BARCELONA FOOTBALL CLUB
Barcelona Logo History
Click here to read about the history of FC Barcelona crest.
History of FC Barcelona
Click here for complete Barcelona FC history.
Barcelona FC Legends
Click here to learn more about all the great players that played for this club.
Barcelona Jokes
Click here to read some funny FC Barcelona jokes.
FC Barcelona Wallpaper
Click here for some great looking Barcelona FC wallpapers.
All About REAL MADRID FOOTBALL CLUB
Real Madrid Wallpapers
Please follow this link to some high quality Real Madrid desktop backgrounds.
Real Madrid Logo History
Please follow this link to find out more about Real Madrid crest history.
Real Madrid Soccer History
Click here to learn more about Real Madrid FC History starting with foundation in 1902.